Sunday, December 5, 2010

Broken Democracy

The first time I ever voted was in 2008. I attribute this to a lack of interest in whatever any of the running candidates had to offer. You see, politics in my country are pretty messed up.

Contrary to what you'd see in most democracies, where different parties pick a side (left or right) based on their ideals on how the country should run, we have 3 parties which differentiate themselves solely by the kind of relation they want to have with the United States. Right after breaking free of the Spanish monarchy these options made a lot of sense; this seemed like an issue that needed to be resolved immediately, so the population set all other differences aside and picked a party. The only problem is that things have been the same for generations. That's why I was not interested in either, but at the time, I wasn't quite able to put my finger on it, probably because I didn't really care. All I knew was that they would promise to lead us in the right direction only to have four more years of nothing happening and I got bored of it. I also remember arguing with other kids at school over politics, actually, over our parents' views on politics. We'd sing parodies of the other guy's campaign jingles and attend rallies for fun.

On the last election year a fourth party was formed and, always being one to root for the underdog, I started "following" it. I'd pay closer attention to debates on TV, listen to the news and read the paper. It all made so much sense now. Their point was exactly what I had been thinking, we need to start worrying about the real issues and then we'll be able to make a better decision regarding colonial status. Suddenly you'd see candidates bring deeper topics forward, caring more about the economy, the environment, social and moral issues - subjects they'd never bring up when it was just the usual suspects. I was really pumped.

My party flopped so bad it wasn't even funny. I haven't heard about them ever since. I wasn't really surprised. What surprised me was that once the dust settled, everything was back to normal. I was really hoping for some change in the way politicians went about themselves.

Well, all that reading and listening wasn't a complete waste of time. I realized the same people have toyed with my entire country for the last century. The two major parties (pro-statehood and pro-status quo) have had a perpetual tug-of-war for power that only seems to fuel the loyalty of a fanatical legion of blind followers. It doesn't matter how corrupt their candidate is, or how much potential the adversary has, voters are taught that if they let the enemy win, in the blink of an eye, their "ideal" wins forever (even though that has never happened). They make such a great spectacle that nobody ever suspects that both parties share the exact same ideals and that in order to keep the fear of each other alive, nothing will ever be done in regards of our colonial status. Things will remain unchanged as long as they are allowed to continue taking turns stuffing their pockets at the people's expense.

Speaking of fear, I'm pretty sure half the people in this country have no idea what a republic is. I kid you not. Up until the nineties, the word "republic" was used by those against independence to scare the others into believing that "without the US we would become a republic". I guess they, being so fond of the states, didn't know that it is a republic. So you can imagine what the general understanding of any other forms of government is. It's not because people can't understand or don't care, it's because their eyes have been shrouded. In public school, history class is always very vague and always skips decades of important events. Kids are diverted with fairytale-like stories about the native Tainos and the Spanish conquistadors. From there to the present, it's all fuzzy. Moreover, we're never taught the history of the United States. What could it be that those in power don't want the people to know? Is it maybe that they're all a bunch of borderline far right-wingers?

Year after year the news covers countless stories of corruption, bribing and embezzlement. Year after year, they prove their allegiance to the wealthy. And every four years the people either "revolt" out of anger for a terrible administration or re-elect out of fear the "opposing" party may be even worse. Every debate is based solely on their plans to resolve the colonial status and a few pressing issues, every other subject is avoided or discussed as politically correctly as possible. Every four years they will belittle their real opposition by totally ignoring them and making the public believe a vote for them is a vote wasted, that there are only two real choices. Every four years they teach us to vote defensively by identifying the worst candidates and voting for their closest competitors. Every four years they will point their fingers at each other and call "thief". They are usually right.

I understand any other country ending up with just two parties, but we've been forced into a bipartisan system in which both alternatives are the same. By law, we are entitled to a referendum to choose between independence and statehood (or anything in between, I suppose). A referendum is a vote by the people, regardless of who is in charge; direct democracy at its finest. In the end, however, I believe we have no say in the colonial status issue, just like a slave has no say on his freedom, and a stranger can't decide he wants to live in your house. There have been a couple of these since I can recall; the result is always inconsequential. Both major parties sabotage the results by adding shady options or diluting the most popular alternative. The last time around the winning option was "none of the above" I shit you not. One of the parties even campaigned for this option.

If you want to know, I am mostly undecided (regarding colonial status); probably because I know I had been looking at a few details from the wrong perspective. I believe most of us have taken a side for the wrong reasons. Many statehood supporters see it as an opportunity to tap into an infinite source of wealth. Many independence supporters believe statehood will entirely rid us of our culture and identity. The rest are just afraid of change. In a way they all make sense, thus we have a very un-debatable subject. This is where democracy comes in. If we can't all be happy, well, then let's try to make the most people happy! I've been reading a lot lately, studying different forms of government, reading the untold story of our country. The best part so far is that now I understand political jokes on TV talk shows. I can't wait until the next election year, when I hope I have a few opportunities to make a few people realize they've been made fools of. People have to realize what they stand for, what they REALLY want for their country. The colonial status-based party system has to end.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

This poo shall pass.

Warning: This post contains graphic depictions of potty business.

There comes a time in a man’s life when the call of nature is so strong that one must break free of any comfort zones and venture into the darkest of places: the public restroom. It’s a known fact that one must be cautious in these environments in order not to become diseased. However, the truth is that the entire process would be a lot easier and safer for all of us if everybody stopped being so stupid about it.

Consider this: How often is a public restroom cleaned? How often do you thoroughly clean YOUR bathroom? The first fact of the day is that a properly maintained public restroom is probably cleaner than its domestic counterpart. If you don’t trust the maintenance workers maybe it’s because you know you’d leave behind a mess that you wouldn’t clean up yourself even if you were paid to.

The first step for cleaner bathrooms would be for owners to provide sanitizing wipes rather than those waxed toilet seat liners. The only thing stupider than one of those is when someone uses toilet paper to line the seat. Then they proceed to bend the laws of physics in order to sit down without moving it. I guess they’re pretty confident that it won’t fall in the water and slowly wick the water towards their unsuspecting behinds. What makes them think these liners are sterile, anyway? Are they aware that after each and every flush there are hundreds of drops of toilet water splashed all over the stall (including the TP roll and that liner dispenser)? Of course, now that you're all done, the liner is too gross for you to dispose of properly. Hopefully it’ll eventually get tired of being there and hop into the toilet all by itself when you're not looking.

Then there are those who are way smarter than that, they know liners don’t work. Yep, I’m talking about those douchebags that will somehow get their #2 all over the place but the toilet to avoid sitting down. I guess they believe they can somehow aim their torpedoes from any distance. People who think like this should die of constipation. Think of the employee that is going to have to clean up after you! I swear if I ever find myself in that situation I will quit on the spot. Screw it.

Back to the TP subject, did you know this kind of tissue is designed to be water-soluble? What I’m trying to say is: you’re supposed to flush it (no, it’s not going to clog the toilet, and if it does, then the owner of the building should upgrade their plumbing)! Doesn’t depositing your poo in the garbage bin defeat the purpose of indoor plumbing? You might as well just go in the garbage bin!

I guess all of these principles apply to #1 as well. Even when there are urinals, there’s always the one shy dude that needs to lock up in case he breaks into dance (that would explain the mess) in the middle of his business.

In the end, it’s all a vicious cycle of people that make the bathroom scary because they’re scared of it. Think about it. Keep some sanitizing wipes with you and wash your hands thoroughly when you’re done. Simple.

Update:
Looks like I'm not the only one worried about this subject!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Nine Eleven

I originally thought of tweeting this, but there are times when 140 characters are not even close.

It’s about the events that occurred in Tuesday September the 11th, 1979. A beautiful boy that would eventually be known as teh 201d was born that glorious day. I’m positively sure many people were also born that day and even more followed the next year, and the years after just like many will be born next Friday. I attribute this to it being nine months after the first week of December, when couples around the northern hemisphere find the lowered temperatures most opportune for cuddling.

Of course, that would only be important if you were me, which you’re not (because, clearly you are you). Nevertheless, there are also several momentous events linked to this date, for example, according to Wikipedia; Stephen Foster's well-known song, Oh! Susanna was first performed at a saloon in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania in September 11, 1847. Is that neat or what? But let’s assume, for a moment, that you actually care about me. Let’s say you know me, even.

Why on earth would anyone approach me upon this date, with a comment about how my birthday is on “nine eleven?” I can’t possibly think of any reason for this except for being an evil, uncaring jerk… or perhaps… HA! That’s it! My friends and family are not evil; they just don’t realize the implications of such comments! Okay, then, what I’ll do is I will compile a list of phrases you “might as well say” (that way I won’t have to spend my 31st birthday hiding from the people I love)!

Things you might as well say:

  • I have brought you all the medicines I don’t need anymore for your birthday. Take them all with a tall glass of water and die quietly.
  • Wanna come over and burn some Qur’ans?
  • Why aren’t you watching the 24 hour special on TV today, you jerk?
  • The attacks did not happen on your 22nd birthday; you were born 22 years before the attacks, you evil terrorist!
  • Aren't you ashamed of having your birthday today?
  • Don’t you even care about the people who died?
  • Are you a terrorist?
  • Wanna come over and burn some Bibles?
  • What is wrong with you?
  • Admit it; you are happy all these people died!
  • Wanna come over and burn some people?
  • I hate you.
  • I poisoned your cake. You’re welcome.
  • Yo 201d, I'm really happy for you, I’m ‘a let you finish your birthday cake. But 9/11 is one of the worst days of all time! OF ALL TIME!

Every year on my birthday I can’t help remembering that day. I remember it like it was today. I would forget my anniversary or my kids’ birthdays if they were not recurring events in my calendar, and I may get their baby pictures mixed up, but this one I can’t forget. It was my 22nd birthday and I had taken the day off from work. I spent the whole day glued to the TV, shocked, hoping things would turn out alright and watching things get worse and worse. I called everyone I knew. I was lucky nobody I knew was there.

I don’t expect people to stop caring, but I would really, really like people to stop bringing me down in a day that’s already sad. It’s sad not only because of the memories, but because of the blatant bigotry that is launched year after year that only seems to worsen with time. I have been cursed by this even though I had nothing to do with it. One thing is not related to the other. There are 8,036 days and about 2,000 miles between one and the other. Please consider this. That would be the best birthday gift EVER.