Vaccines and Autism

I've been reading about this whole issue for a while now, and I'm ready to make a statement.

Before continuing, here's some undeniable facts: I am not a professional scientist, and because of this I will refrain from stating facts! That's right, no facts, homies. Lust raw logic, just the way you like it! Mm-mmm! How? Boy, am I glad you asked!

It's a little thought experiment I like to do every once in a while that I call Schrödinger's Conspiracy. The way it works quite simple. First, I imagine I'm standing between two toddlers that are yelling at each other. Then I tell them "my dear children, how would you approach this problem if you had to assume you're both right and also wrong until until an adult straightens things up?"

In this scenario one kid is yelling "vaccines cause autism" and the other kid is yelling "no they don't!" What if they were both right and also wrong? Scientists have already observed this, but some people simply do not trust science. So let's say we will assume both are right AND wrong until observed by another scientist they can both trust (this will never happen because that's how conspiracies work).

Now that the conspiracy factor is taken care of of the equation, the dilemma becomes very simple for both sides. Choose whether or not to administer a syringe that contains a dose of mysterious chemicals that BOTH won't AND will definitely cause autism, while also protecting the patient against a disease that could kill the patient, and others around. Remember autism is not contagious, the disease is.

If you are in favor of vaccination you are saying that:

• You want to to avoid putting your child and many others at risk of illness and possibly death. You are a good person.
• You will gladly deal with an autistic child in order to avoid putting your child and many others at risk of illness and possibly death. You are a fucking hero.

If you are against vaccination you are saying that:

• You will gladly put your child and many others in danger of dying of a disease, just so you don't have to deal with autism. You are a bad person.
• You will gladly put your child and others in danger of dying of a disease for no reason. You are fucking evil.

Therefore, regardless or whether vaccines cause autism or not, if you are against vaccination you are either bad or fucking evil, whereas if you're in favor of vaccination, you're either good, or a fucking hero.

In conclusion; I could try to convince you that vaccines do not cause autism, but since I can't, I'll just ask you to stop being a selfish coward. Also, you ruined fucking Disneyland, what kind of monster are you?

Super is super.

So I was browsing through my news feed, ever so casually, when I noticed a trend. A few outlets had posted this weird black and white picture of Bill Murray with old-school 3D glasses pasted on. I decided to actually read the headers for these posts and I found out that yet another new social network was upon us! NOOOOOOOOO!

Under normal circumstances I would have scoffed at it... but these are tough times. You see, I am currently unemployed, which means I only interact with my immediate family. I thirst for human interaction so badly that I re-activated my Facebook! So I bit. I read a little about it and downloaded the app. I set it up and started posting nonsense immediately.

After playing with it for a while, I realized even though that my knee-jerk instinct would have been to uninstall the application and go on with my life, I was having fun, even laughing out loud! It's brilliant, actually.

First, let me lay down some basics:

Super does not feature complex social structures like Facebook or Google+, instead you just follow people, a lot like on Twitter.

Your posts are always public, but unless someone is actually following you the post will probably drown in a bottomless pool of noise within seconds. You can't share or retweet other peoples' posts, and you can always just delete your posts. This makes it all feel a bit ethereal, the main appeal behind Snapchat.

You can make posts semi-anonymously (ANONYMISH is the exact term), where those who follow you will see it but your name won't be there. It's a lot like whisper, but people can still find out who you are. The Super FAQ stresses this is meant to be playful.

OK, now let me cover the details. Every Super post is composed of 6 key elements (7 if you count your identity):

A super starter, or prompt, the little header-like bit on top of the post. You choose one from a list that rotates occasionally. Things such as THE BEST, MY FAVORITE or THE SEXIEST. You are expected to continue the sentence. I think it's brilliant because these starters always set the post up with a positive, fun foundation. It also makes it hard to treat it like you would other social networks.

The body text, where you finish your thought. They have limited character space, but it's usually enough. The text is always uppercase, but if you're an uppercase hater like me, it's actually quite refreshing because since everything is uppercase and posts are always squared, nobody feels like they're using larger characters to invade your screen. Also, it's a font that looks nice in uppercase. Brilliant! It's also pretty interesting that this field is optional.

A background image. The app runs a quick image search based on your body text, and the results are usually dead-on or hilarious. If you think none of the images offered are a good match, or if you're aiming for something more specific, you can refine your search, upload an image, take a picture with your camera, or choose from some a gallery of colorful works of art. Now, people posting images with a black background and white text (or vice-versa) on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+ is my greatest pet peeve, but again, Super makes it work by making it intentional! Again, it no longer feels like someone is using a large image to invade your screen only to share a short blurb of text. It boggles the mind how brilliant the concept is!

A signature. Your posts are always attached to your name (unless anonymish), so you don't really have to sign them. Yet, you are asked to. And if you sign with your name, you're not getting the joke. Most people use this last bit of text at the bottom of the image to credit the post to a generalized group (hipsters, kids nowadays, no one ever), a fictional character, or blatantly lay responsibility on someone else. Some others use it as a punch line, much like Twitter users will use hashtags for punchlines. It's truly amazing how clever this is. I think on a previous version signatures actually worked as hashtags, linking similar posts togther, but the function was removed.

An optional link so you don't litter your precious post with an ugly URL!

An optional location so you can post things like THE BEST BURGER JOINT. And use the application like some kind of Foursquare. You can also search for nearby posts.

Oddly enough, the only part of this that is truly optional (besides location, link and your identity) is the body text! You HAVE to choose a header (or stick to the default chosen, usually "THE BEST") and signature and force you to be creative, and take a minute to rearrange your thoughts, as opposed to just blurting out whatever is on your mind. The result, I think, is many users realizing their post is not fun at all and deleting it before uploading it. You, the reader, get only the good stuff.

These limitations make it nearly impossible for wannabe marketers, corporations, or spammers to advertise their wares. The fact that is has terrible SEO means people joining the network is word-of-mouth type deal.

TL;DR

Really, now, give it a try. It's fun! First, try browsing through the EVERYONE feed to get a glimpse of how fun the community is. Then, think of a few fun things to share and watch as the community gives you loves (likes) and feedback. Swipe left on your posts to share them on other social networks.

Link your phone number, Facebook and Twitter to it and enable notifications so you get notified as soon as anyone you know joins, because it may be a while before anyone you know joins.

Oh, and be sure to follow me, look for 201d!

Maybe I'm an atheist

The last couple of years have been pretty weird.

I think it was roughly three years ago, before I ragequit Facebook, that I changed my "religious views" field therein to "Agnostic". It's weird if you consider three years before that I was posting some rather .. uh .. gnostic posts here.

How did that happen? I read those posts just now and seems past me was already leaning quite hard on the "maybe" philosophy. Some things I read make me want to slap myself repeatedly, but I choose not to edit those posts. Those are historical documents! The following will contradict my previous writings, but I feel I kinda understand what the dude who wrote those was thinking.

It has been established that I will not rewrite history, so let's add more context, instead! Cue the flashback sound effect!

I was raised a catholic. I was baptized and all... but then that was pretty much it. My family only went to church on special occasions. I got the basics, sure, I was able to fit in with the masses. But I had many, many unanswered questions.

In my pre-teen years I'd lay in bed thinking for hours. If god created everything, what created god?

By the time I was done with high school I was a closet atheist. I never brought it up for fear of being disowned. Oh, and yes, there was a sliver of fear left. I didn't want to anger god in case it turns out he was there all along.

But then suddenly I was in a pew, admittedly to impress a girl. But eventually I started liking the church. The people were friendly, it was a fun atmosphere, and then there was the fallacy I didn't see coming. The false dilemma; I was given an alternative to catholicism, along with a long list of things that were wrong with catholicism, and I reasoned, much to my eventual chagrin, that if A was wrong, then B had to be the answer.

I have no regrets. The whole thing lasted about 10 years. I did not hurt anyone, and I didn't make any harsh decisions. But I wouldn't do it again if I had a chance.

In my last years of church going I started seeing the cracks. The congregation stopped smiling. The pastor started scolding. I felt the constant judgement and contempt. I don't think they changed, though. Maybe they saw something in me, and gave up on me. You see, I tried very hard to believe, but my prayers were never answered. Things kept going wrong. I kept losing one job after another. Me and my wife argued more and more. I was convinced something was wrong with me. I suppose I was not the only one.

Pentecostal church is very physical. Lots of instant gratification going on. People being healed, the dancing, the speaking in tongues, the falling back when hands were laid upon you... Oh, yes, the laying of hands! I remember getting a few good shoves while I was being prayed for. It was pretty rough at times! Every time I took a step back to regain my balance. I waited for the real thing. I was supposed to black out and have a supernatural experience, and instead I just got pushed. I think this enraged the pastor.

I started seeing people lie at the pulpit all the time. I saw people with questionable morals telling others how to act. I was outraged, but for a good while my faith didn't falter. I was trained by the church not to lose heart due to people being flawed, and I was warned about the false prophets.

One day a guest preacher said that god had asked to pray for someone who was born with a deformed arm. Nobody approached the altar. We all knew who she was talking about. A few days, in casual conversation, this person brought up that the arm was fine at birth, and it was deformed in an accident. Busted.

To make things worse, every sunday it became harder and harder to get the kids all dressed up on time. So we started missing services. Sleeping in on sundays is divine, let me tell you. And in those days where we might be able to make it on time, we chose not to go.

I stopped praying. I stopped wishing. The habits died pretty quick. The bitter thoughts came back, slowly and steadily.

I started to carefully play attention to science subjects I had only skimmed through before, looking for answers. I made a point to understand the theory of evolution and the big bang theory. I also learned what a theory is! I think that's when the agnosticism clicked. All these years I had missed (and my old blog posts will prove this) the true beauty of science.

A true scientist is not ashamed of saying "we don't know, but we'll get back to you on that as soon as we find anything". A true scientist wants to be questioned. There are no absolutes, no authorities, and nothing is sacred. I learned that science is not an alternative to religion. Science will not provide answers to spiritual questions. You're not supposed to believe it, you're supposed to understand it.  So I stopped trying to believe in science at about the same time I stopped trying to understand faith.

Today I'm perfectly fine knowing that I will rot and be forgotten. All record of my existence will be obliterated. Maybe in three or four generations, tops, but that's a negligible amount of time when you consider infinity. Oh well, hopefully this blog will be around for a few years beyond that.

Life is not pointless, all my actions will make infinitely small ripples through the cosmos. I am a good person, not because of a fear of hell, or a promise of heaven, but because I want my legacy to make the universe better when I'm gone, and because I want my limited days on earth to be happy.

Am I an atheist? Maybe, sometimes. I don't go preaching godlessness. But I'm not preaching anything I can't prove (and explain) either. Sure, sometimes I feel outraged and want to choke people while yelling "BUT THERE IS NO GOD!" straight into their misguided little brains, but that's only sometimes. For example when people use their faith to justify an evil act, or when they're being assholes.

So, is there a god? Is there an afterlife? I have no reason to believe so, but I'll get back to you if I find something, in the meantime, follow the teachings of Wil Wheaton (don't be a dick) and you should be fine!

Clever 201d

Whenever I do homework with my children I die a little. I silently weep for our future.

Every time they look at me with blank eyes and say "I don't know" like I was there in the classroom and I'm supposed to know what they're talking about. I look at the instructions provided by the teachers looking for an answer and it's clear their intention is never to teach, only to judge. Their job is to measure a child's value as human beings on a scale of A to F.

It sickens me.

The education system does not need to be fixed. It doesn't need to be modernized. It doesn't need to change. It needs to be abolished.

Sure, there are some rare cases of teachers who care a bit, but they care for the group, not the individual. There is no love. Shoving all these kids in a classroom with an adult that does not give a shit about them is insane. If you've ever been bullied you'll understand. I was a victim of bullying, and I'm not talking everyday teasing and mockery celebrities are “fighting against” nowadays. Never take bullying advice from someone who’s beautiful and talented! I'm talking of scheduled beatings and humiliation. Why? Was it because I was the new kid? Was I perceived as weak? Nah, it was all simply because nobody gave a fuck about my well-being. My friends ran away or turned against me. When I got home my parents were too busy to do anything about it. Maybe once or twice they showed up in school, but there's nothing they could have done by then. Who is going to learn shit when they’re spending class thinking of an escape route? No way, man; every classroom is its own little “lord of the flies.”

Under natural circumstances a child is taught all they need to know by their immediate family and the community. The child is surrounded by children, but also of caring adults. They need to learn what it’s like to be an adult by observing adults, not children! This is where they pick their role models and start to figure out what their role in life is going to be, until one day they decide; “I want to be a farmer” or a blacksmith, or a hunter…

Whatever happened to apprenticeship? You know, when a youth learns to make a living. Schools only teach us to take tests only so we can take more tests! At least that’s all I learned! I found out I had ADD when I was in my thirties, there was no medication, no special ed., and no support from my parents. I never turned in any homework. I doodled during class, yet I did ok until high school. How? Have you heard of Clever Hans? This damned horse could do math! Well, it turns out it was just good at doing tests! Look it up, it’s fascinating! To this day I pride myself of being able to see the “matrix code” within a test, and to select the correct answer, not by knowing it’s correct, but by knowing what the teacher wants.

Without further ado, this is what you need to be a successful student.

1. There’s usually four options to a multiple choice question, two are similar, but completely wrong, then one is right, and one is wrong but very similar to the right one. Read all the questions in the test and you will have enough of a context to discard the two wrong options.
2. Look at the remaining two, find the difference between them and reverse engineer the answer into a question, always keeping in mind the teacher is trying to trick you. You know how you can get across a maze (unless it’s done by a pro) by starting at the exit? It’s the same thing.
3. When in doubt choose the third option, unless there’s “all of the above”, in that case pick that.
4. Fill-in-the-blanks questions ALWAYS answer themselves.
5. Answer essay questions like it’s a beauty pageant: By making a long sentence using ALL the words in the question.

If you follow these steps you should be able to get a perfect score on a poorly done test and a decent grade on more elaborate ones. This technique should be enough to get you through high school. Then you’re fucked in college because their teachers are pros. Then go observe some adults flipping burgers and adopt one as your role model.

Goodbye, Spambook. You will be missed.

About a week or two ago I took the decision of quitting Facebook. I told all my friends, even started an event to catch their attention. I wanted to make sure I didn't lost contact with anyone who cared enough. I posted my Twitter handle, my Google Plus profile, and even a link to this here blog.

What did I hate about it? Nothing really, it was just a combination of things that were mildly annoying.

The first problem with Facebook was that it is like the Internet when it started in the early nineties; back when I was in high school, when we were figuring out search engines, email, IRC chat, HTML, and random websites about random stuff. When the World Wide Web was like the wild, wild, west. There was no law upon the vast openness. Some of the earliest webpages were also the most disturbing. Computer viruses that would spread like the plague through shared floppies could now send themselves to new hosts. Hate groups could share their evil ideas and form nice communities. Kids that were once bullied could become the greatest assholes. These were dark days, but I still remember them fondly. How did we survive this era? We simply did because we had to! Soon enough, after the novelty wore off, there were laws; unwritten guidelines that we all followed. The two pillars of this law were spam and netiquette. For a few years the Internet was a nice place to spend time. Then, as a parallel to mankind in general - our creations evolving faster than our minds, and our minds evolving faster than our bodies - technology made the internet accessible to anyone, even people who didn't ask for it. Phone companies started building smartphones and making them mandatory. Social networks came in and once more became mandatory. A nice old lady walked into the phone store because her Nokia had broken, and an astute salesman sent her home with a fucking android preloaded with MySpace, Facebook and Twitter. Now, before you shrug me off as a snob, read this carefully. This people did not ask for the internet. They were forced into it. I'm not talking about just the elderly. I'm talking about the jocks, the bros, the hot chicks, the artists, the teachers, the housewives… people who already had a life, a job and hobbies. People who were happy. People who had life figured out. People who did not have the tech savvy that we relied on to keep the internet from collapsing on our heads. People who took it all for granted. My mom and dad both have Facebook accounts. My younger brother, who was never into technology and barely even played video games as a boy has one. Many of my uncles and aunts have Facebook accounts, and my grandparents were they alive, they'd be on Facebook as well. I know I'm starting to sound like a hipster, just bear with me for a second. The problem is that all these new users were shoved into a world without any guidelines. There is no instruction manual. Just post whatever you're doing or thinking, and click the like button. I have no patience to relive the nineties. My mother in law posts everything in uppercase and refuses to stop even after I explained how annoying it is. My uncle keeps tagging me in pictures of a guy taking a shit and such. My friend's sister posts that she's selling this or that on a daily basis. These are tiny details that irk me just as much. They are still people I love. No I'm not going to stop loving my mom for making an embarrassing comment on my status.

The second problem is such a large part of the first that it deserved its own paragraph. Back when email was still a novelty, people had the tendency of re-sending any interesting emails they got to their friends. Eventually this came to be known as spam, and such conduct slowly receded. The Internet came up with less annoying ways to share these amusing anecdotes. Then social networks came and it got worse. Now you're an asshole of you don't copy and paste the whole thing! "97% of my friends don't love me enough to post this as their status". A big, heartfelt, FUCK YOU to anyone who has ever started any of these chains.

The third problem was getting to really know some people. One good thing about life before the eighties was that you'd assume everybody was very smart by the way they spoke. Now there's nothing but bitter disappointment when I see some of my relatives' spelling and grammar, yeah, the same people who expected me to have straight As in school. I'd see people post the silliest things and I realize we have nothing in common. Religion, politics, superstition… even music - these are things you should not discuss openly. In some extreme cases there were people I liked that turned out to be real jerks. How can a someone who is nice in person be an absolutely evil on a social network?

The fourth problem is gaming. I have covered this in several occasions on my gaming-related blog. Some games in there are OK, but none of them is worth the continuous spamming for gifts, energy or other in-game favors. I still can't believe I have friends that ONLY use Facebook for gaming.

I'm glad the internet is so widespread now. News travel faster now. We get to know each other better now. We keep in touch. It's all really nice. What I like the most about Facebook is that it made me realize I was not alone in this world, that there are people who care about me even though they don't really know me. It was certainly a worthwhile experiment.

Remember, if it doesn't make you money and it doesn't make you happy. Don't do it. - Adam Carolla

So why am I quitting? I simply don't enjoy it anymore. To those few that kept me interested the novelty seems to have worn off, so they barely post anything. I find myself staring at a wall of uninteresting fact about acquaintances I barely know, untagging myself from pictures and blocking apps and people altogether. The fun is ghone. Time to move on. I just hope Twitter and Google+ don't end up like this.

Now, I may have not been clear enough, so I will restate this: I am not quitting on my friends and my family. I’m quitting on a broken social network. I still love my friends, and I hope you can still keep in touch.

The rest of us

Ah, Festivus, the holiday for the rest of us! Last year I thought it'd be funny to play along after watching the infamous Seinfeld episode and reading about it on the web. But, will it ever be more than just a fad? There's only one way to find out: science!

I started preparations a week early by launching an anti-Christmas campaign on various social networks and trying to spread Festivus cheer. Throughout the evening of the 23rd I went ahead and aired my grievances all over Twitter. This proved to be a very satisfying part of the tradition. My greatest grievance, though, was that there was a tree instead of a pole in my living room. Christmas will not die easily, especially when there are children in the house. For the traditional Festivus Dinner we had Orange Chicken Wraps, keeping in mind that too heavy a meal could spoil the Feats of Strength. It proved to be a wise decision when my wife and kids effectively pinned me down in an epic tickle fight (maybe when they're older we can upgrade to more grueling feats). Ah, finally, I witnessed firsthand the most glorious Festivus miracle; I am cured of seasonal depression! I guess a sad Christmas is less soul crushing when you approach it with absolutely no expectations.

I believe the experiment was a success. The holiday is entirely plausible. I had lots of fun and next year I'm taking it up a notch or two. I might even acquire a pole, cook a fancy dinner and actually challenge a grown-up to an epic feat of strength.

Yes, I'm aware it's still silly. But even if it never goes beyond being a fad, it's still better than celebrating Jesus' birthday on the wrong day by doing things he would frown upon.

Good Hacks

Am I the only person that ever feels nostalgic about computers before the Internet? I still remember installing the TCP/IP manually on Windows 95! If you wanted to send a document or a program to someone, you had to write it on a floppy and hand it to him or her. The curious thing was that users did not see this as an inconvenience. I guess the personal aspect made it more satisfying to share. It was indeed an age of generosity.

In addition, software companies started distributing software demos and shareware by jamming floppies inside computing magazines and other media.

However, there was a dark side to this: the advent of the computer virus. Antivirus software had to evolve continuously to catch up with this new trend, especially with how until recently they could get into your computer without your consent. Then there were the "Trojans" which relied entirely on trickery, and there is very little an antivirus can do about that. The term "virus" made more sense because of the physical aspect of how media would become infected. Sharing software was a lot like sex. You would hold up a floppy, stare at it for a while, then show it to your friend and ask, "This looks clean, right?" before even considering putting it in your vulnerable floppy drive.

Still, I feel a certain respect for the "hackers" of old. These people would come up with absolutely evil algorithms for fun and bragging rights. Like kids nowadays say: "they were doing of for teh LULZ." In fact, many viruses back there were entirely harmless and would only display a silly message or "tag" your computer with a (sometimes invisible) signature that only other hackers would find when trying to "tag" you, much like modern day graffiti artists.

I hold very little respect for modern day hackers, though. Their crimes are the same, but their motives are far worse: they are doing it for money. Heck, they don't even steal their money in an honorable fashion! They are doing the corporations' dirty work.

In all those nights spent formatting my hard drive because a virus, it would have never occurred to me that in a few years a computer virus would attempt to plant an advertisement on my desktop! Way to stick it to the man, guys! So much for "honor among thieves".

I bring this up because of the mention of "good hackers" on the news lately, like the one who has been attacking Wikileaks, claiming his own brand of internet vigilantism, or those attacking the sites of corporations that have turned their backs on WikiLeaks. While I don't support the attacks, at least the guy is hacking for what he believes is right (assuming he is not being paid to do it). This made me ponder; are there more good hackers out there? What other "quests" could these paladins of l337 righteousness embark on?

Certainly, there must be many. In the meantime, I have only one humble suggestion: Make a virus that disables CAPS LOCK on any computer when the spacebar is pressed.

Thanks for reading and don't hesitate to post a comment if you have any suggestions for righteous viruses!

Usury

For the last few years, I've worked with credit cards from different banks in either customer service or collections. I've heard all the stories. I've seen all the procedures. If you ask me, credit cards are the ultimate evil. This is because they have taken the greatest evil, usury, and made it even worse. Take into consideration this excerpt from Wikipedia:

Usury ([…] from the Medieval Latin usuria, "interest" or from the Latin usura "interest") originally meant the charging of interest on loans. This included charging a fee for the use of money, such as at a bureau de change. After interest became acceptable, usury came to mean the interest above the rate allowed by law. In common usage today, the word means the charging of unreasonable or relatively high rates of interest. The term is largely derived from Christian religious principles; Riba is the corresponding Arabic term and ribbit the Hebrew one.

Back in the day, charging interest (at any rate) was considered evil, but somehow the meaning of the word changed. Ah, the power of money! On first sight, charging interest seems like a great thing. People can buy things they can't afford by borrowing money, and then pay a little for the favor. Poor people get their instant gratification and the wealthy get more wealth. It's a win/win, right? No wonder it eventually became acceptable. Imagine if the meaning of "murder" eventually changed to something like "to kill more than 10 people within a week".

While I no longer consider myself a religious type, I still observe Christian values. Whether you believe Jesus is the son of God or just a really neat guy with great ideas, fabulous abs and a riding velociraptor, you can't deny most of his teachings are plain common sense (emphasis on "most", as in "not all"). You see, I believe in ancient wisdom. Our ancestors learned from their mistakes and put their findings in writing, and although most of the time they don't explain themselves clearly, upon deeper analysis you can find there are good reasons for these laws; even if you find said reasons are obsolete today.

Take pork, for example (mmmmm pork). Many religions forbid eating pork. I'm sure most people think this is pure superstition if not downright stupid. Then, there's also bacon (a very valid point), but let me share a little anecdote with you. I live in a country that still employs the tradition of cooking whole pigs over an open fire. While it's certainly good eats, even with modern-day sanitation standards I have gotten sick from eating pork cooked like that. Once it was so bad, I couldn't eat pork like that for years, and still won't do if I don't trust the source. If it hadn't been for modern-day medicine, I could have possibly died. It was definitely a bad idea to eat pork 2000 years ago, but it was very hard to explain why.

It was a bad idea to charge interest 2000 years ago. It still is today. It's still somewhat hard to explain today. I'll still try.

Many of those against usury believe charging interest is wrong because you'd make profit without working. Here I am, all rich and fat, charging interest from the poor, getting richer without moving a muscle. To me that's not really it. Sure, it sickens me, but you can't blame them for trying! Besides, lending (and collecting) money is hard work! Remember, I'm in the business (although it's not my money). In addition, the renting of land, buildings and the ownership of intellectual properties are honest ways of making money out of having something, without doing much work.

Others believe the real problem is that of abuse. The most obvious example would be lenders rising rates in times of need or applying excessive penalties. In some countries, even today, people who can't pay their debt have to work for the lender; they become slaves. On the other hand, delinquency can drive a lender bankrupt. Abuse only happens in extreme cases, and the authorities can regulate it. Besides, one can see similar abuse in regular commerce (high prices, shoplifting), so one should always be careful about giving more power to those who already have more than enough. Close, but no cigar.

What is it then? Put in the simplest of words, usury makes it profitable to be rich and expensive to be poor. Therefore, the rich are bound to get richer just for being rich while the poor get poorer just for being poor, this effect reflects collectively regardless of the individual's efforts. This comes with other serious side effects. For the rich it encourages hoarding; amassing large amounts of wealth solely for lending with the goal of eventually living entirely off interest. Many wealthy people live frugal lives and never really enjoy their fortunes and even those with more flamboyant lifestyles do not spend in proportion to their income. This, in turn increases the ratio of people being born rich. In the case of the working class and the poor this encourages the opposite: excessive spending, probably because of a false perception that one can always borrow more, as a way to compensate for certain things one is perceived to be deprived of or as a way to attempt to live the lifestyle the born-rich portray as normal though advertising. The flow of goods, services and wealth becomes entirely unidirectional and as a result, the value of money for the hoarders, the born rich and the indebted is different and the line between necessity and luxury is increasingly blurred. This blur is relative to the degree of separation between the higher and lower class.

Another secondary reason I believe usury is wrong is because lending is a form of gambling. You give money to a person hoping they pay back with interest. You adjust the rates according to the possibility of the borrower actually paying. Now if a rich man makes an unwise loan and ends up losing the money, we can assume he knew the risk and he probably still has enough to feed his family. Besides, given the concern that his family's well-being is at stake he'd only lend to someone he trusts. Is it the same way with corporations? When a corporation with thousands of employees makes thousands of unwise loans that aren't paid, they just start kicking out employees and rising rates until they're back on the black. The ex-employees in turn have to default on their loans and before you know it, you have a mayor crisis across the country. I don't mind a little gambling here and there, but that shit ain't funny.

What can be done to correct this? Well, since we can't ask banks stop charging interest, perhaps we can just stop handing it to them. I learned how to do this the hard way. About 5 years ago, I decided to apply for a credit card; it was my very first so it had a very small credit line and ridiculously high rates, but I needed to get some stuff for my new job from which I was fired before I could do the first payment. Besides that card, I had also borrowed on a few other places. My credit was ruined before it was even established! All the accounts were charged off. I had to learn the hard way to pay up front or realize if something is too expensive then maybe it's not for me. When I look back, I'm glad it happened; otherwise, right now I'd be up to my eyeballs in debt.

The good news is that you can learn from my misfortune/mistakes. The first step is to re-establish a clear boundary between necessity and luxury. Once this has been defined, you know when it's OK to borrow and when you should just save and wait. In my opinion, a middle-class family should only take two loans in a lifetime: one for a house and one for a car. Everything else can be covered paycheck-to-paycheck and with savings. A big screen high-def TV is definitely not worth getting in debt. If you REALLY want it, you certainly can have it, just start saving for it! In the end, you'll value it more and it'll cost you a lot less.

If you still insist you need it NOW, then under no circumstance use a credit card. Credit cards are too volatile, at any time they can change your rates, credit limits, fees or services. In addition, even the most reputable institutions will occasionally send you an invitation for some obscure "service". By invitation I mean a letter that congratulates you for been selected and advising you to call as soon as possible if you wish to opt-out; by the time you find out it's too late to object. Instead, take a loan from a small bank or, better yet, a local credit union (at least that way you're not making the fattest man fatter) with a fixed rate, due date and balance. Make sure you read the small print and compare all the choices before you sign and keep a close eye on any piece of paperwork they send you.

That's all I have to say… o yeah, post a comment!

Broken Democracy

The first time I ever voted was in 2008. I attribute this to a lack of interest in whatever any of the running candidates had to offer. You see, politics in my country are pretty messed up.

Contrary to what you'd see in most democracies, where different parties pick a side (left or right) based on their ideals on how the country should run, we have 3 parties which differentiate themselves solely by the kind of relation they want to have with the United States. Right after breaking free of the Spanish monarchy these options made a lot of sense; this seemed like an issue that needed to be resolved immediately, so the population set all other differences aside and picked a party. The only problem is that things have been the same for generations. That's why I was not interested in either, but at the time, I wasn't quite able to put my finger on it, probably because I didn't really care. All I knew was that they would promise to lead us in the right direction only to have four more years of nothing happening and I got bored of it. I also remember arguing with other kids at school over politics, actually, over our parents' views on politics. We'd sing parodies of the other guy's campaign jingles and attend rallies for fun.

On the last election year a fourth party was formed and, always being one to root for the underdog, I started "following" it. I'd pay closer attention to debates on TV, listen to the news and read the paper. It all made so much sense now. Their point was exactly what I had been thinking, we need to start worrying about the real issues and then we'll be able to make a better decision regarding colonial status. Suddenly you'd see candidates bring deeper topics forward, caring more about the economy, the environment, social and moral issues - subjects they'd never bring up when it was just the usual suspects. I was really pumped.

My party flopped so bad it wasn't even funny. I haven't heard about them ever since. I wasn't really surprised. What surprised me was that once the dust settled, everything was back to normal. I was really hoping for some change in the way politicians went about themselves.

Well, all that reading and listening wasn't a complete waste of time. I realized the same people have toyed with my entire country for the last century. The two major parties (pro-statehood and pro-status quo) have had a perpetual tug-of-war for power that only seems to fuel the loyalty of a fanatical legion of blind followers. It doesn't matter how corrupt their candidate is, or how much potential the adversary has, voters are taught that if they let the enemy win, in the blink of an eye, their "ideal" wins forever (even though that has never happened). They make such a great spectacle that nobody ever suspects that both parties share the exact same ideals and that in order to keep the fear of each other alive, nothing will ever be done in regards of our colonial status. Things will remain unchanged as long as they are allowed to continue taking turns stuffing their pockets at the people's expense.

Speaking of fear, I'm pretty sure half the people in this country have no idea what a republic is. I kid you not. Up until the nineties, the word "republic" was used by those against independence to scare the others into believing that "without the US we would become a republic". I guess they, being so fond of the states, didn't know that it is a republic. So you can imagine what the general understanding of any other forms of government is. It's not because people can't understand or don't care, it's because their eyes have been shrouded. In public school, history class is always very vague and always skips decades of important events. Kids are diverted with fairytale-like stories about the native Tainos and the Spanish conquistadors. From there to the present, it's all fuzzy. Moreover, we're never taught the history of the United States. What could it be that those in power don't want the people to know? Is it maybe that they're all a bunch of borderline far right-wingers?

Year after year the news covers countless stories of corruption, bribing and embezzlement. Year after year, they prove their allegiance to the wealthy. And every four years the people either "revolt" out of anger for a terrible administration or re-elect out of fear the "opposing" party may be even worse. Every debate is based solely on their plans to resolve the colonial status and a few pressing issues, every other subject is avoided or discussed as politically correctly as possible. Every four years they will belittle their real opposition by totally ignoring them and making the public believe a vote for them is a vote wasted, that there are only two real choices. Every four years they teach us to vote defensively by identifying the worst candidates and voting for their closest competitors. Every four years they will point their fingers at each other and call "thief". They are usually right.

I understand any other country ending up with just two parties, but we've been forced into a bipartisan system in which both alternatives are the same. By law, we are entitled to a referendum to choose between independence and statehood (or anything in between, I suppose). A referendum is a vote by the people, regardless of who is in charge; direct democracy at its finest. In the end, however, I believe we have no say in the colonial status issue, just like a slave has no say on his freedom, and a stranger can't decide he wants to live in your house. There have been a couple of these since I can recall; the result is always inconsequential. Both major parties sabotage the results by adding shady options or diluting the most popular alternative. The last time around the winning option was "none of the above" I shit you not. One of the parties even campaigned for this option.

If you want to know, I am mostly undecided (regarding colonial status); probably because I know I had been looking at a few details from the wrong perspective. I believe most of us have taken a side for the wrong reasons. Many statehood supporters see it as an opportunity to tap into an infinite source of wealth. Many independence supporters believe statehood will entirely rid us of our culture and identity. The rest are just afraid of change. In a way they all make sense, thus we have a very un-debatable subject. This is where democracy comes in. If we can't all be happy, well, then let's try to make the most people happy! I've been reading a lot lately, studying different forms of government, reading the untold story of our country. The best part so far is that now I understand political jokes on TV talk shows. I can't wait until the next election year, when I hope I have a few opportunities to make a few people realize they've been made fools of. People have to realize what they stand for, what they REALLY want for their country. The colonial status-based party system has to end.

This poo shall pass.

Warning: This post contains graphic depictions of potty business.

There comes a time in a man’s life when the call of nature is so strong that one must break free of any comfort zones and venture into the darkest of places: the public restroom. It’s a known fact that one must be cautious in these environments in order not to become diseased. However, the truth is that the entire process would be a lot easier and safer for all of us if everybody stopped being so stupid about it.

Consider this: How often is a public restroom cleaned? How often do you thoroughly clean YOUR bathroom? The first fact of the day is that a properly maintained public restroom is probably cleaner than its domestic counterpart. If you don’t trust the maintenance workers maybe it’s because you know you’d leave behind a mess that you wouldn’t clean up yourself even if you were paid to.

The first step for cleaner bathrooms would be for owners to provide sanitizing wipes rather than those waxed toilet seat liners. The only thing stupider than one of those is when someone uses toilet paper to line the seat. Then they proceed to bend the laws of physics in order to sit down without moving it. I guess they’re pretty confident that it won’t fall in the water and slowly wick the water towards their unsuspecting behinds. What makes them think these liners are sterile, anyway? Are they aware that after each and every flush there are hundreds of drops of toilet water splashed all over the stall (including the TP roll and that liner dispenser)? Of course, now that you're all done, the liner is too gross for you to dispose of properly. Hopefully it’ll eventually get tired of being there and hop into the toilet all by itself when you're not looking.

Then there are those who are way smarter than that, they know liners don’t work. Yep, I’m talking about those douchebags that will somehow get their #2 all over the place but the toilet to avoid sitting down. I guess they believe they can somehow aim their torpedoes from any distance. People who think like this should die of constipation. Think of the employee that is going to have to clean up after you! I swear if I ever find myself in that situation I will quit on the spot. Screw it.

Back to the TP subject, did you know this kind of tissue is designed to be water-soluble? What I’m trying to say is: you’re supposed to flush it (no, it’s not going to clog the toilet, and if it does, then the owner of the building should upgrade their plumbing)! Doesn’t depositing your poo in the garbage bin defeat the purpose of indoor plumbing? You might as well just go in the garbage bin!

I guess all of these principles apply to #1 as well. Even when there are urinals, there’s always the one shy dude that needs to lock up in case he breaks into dance (that would explain the mess) in the middle of his business.

In the end, it’s all a vicious cycle of people that make the bathroom scary because they’re scared of it. Think about it. Keep some sanitizing wipes with you and wash your hands thoroughly when you’re done. Simple.

Update:
Looks like I'm not the only one worried about this subject!

• Adam Carolla Explains Proper Bathroom Etiquette (VIDEO)
• A letter from Oatmeal to the world's crappers.

Nine Eleven

I originally thought of tweeting this, but there are times when 140 characters are not even close.

It’s about the events that occurred in Tuesday September the 11^th, 1979. A beautiful boy that would eventually be known as teh 201d was born that glorious day. I’m positively sure many people were also born that day and even more followed the next year, and the years after just like many will be born next Friday. I attribute this to it being nine months after the first week of December, when couples around the northern hemisphere find the lowered temperatures most opportune for cuddling.

Of course, that would only be important if you were me, which you’re not (because, clearly you are you). Nevertheless, there are also several momentous events linked to this date, for example, according to Wikipedia; Stephen Foster's well-known song, Oh! Susanna was first performed at a saloon in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania in September 11, 1847. Is that neat or what? But let’s assume, for a moment, that you actually care about me. Let’s say you know me, even.

Why on earth would anyone approach me upon this date, with a comment about how my birthday is on “nine eleven?” I can’t possibly think of any reason for this except for being an evil, uncaring jerk… or perhaps… HA! That’s it! My friends and family are not evil; they just don’t realize the implications of such comments! Okay, then, what I’ll do is I will compile a list of phrases you “might as well say” (that way I won’t have to spend my 31st birthday hiding from the people I love)!

Things you might as well say:

• I have brought you all the medicines I don’t need anymore for your birthday. Take them all with a tall glass of water and die quietly.
• Wanna come over and burn some Qur’ans?
• Why aren’t you watching the 24 hour special on TV today, you jerk?
• The attacks did not happen on your 22^nd birthday; you were born 22 years before the attacks, you evil terrorist!
• Aren't you ashamed of having your birthday today?
• Don’t you even care about the people who died?
• Are you a terrorist?
• Wanna come over and burn some Bibles?
• What is wrong with you?
• Admit it; you are happy all these people died!
• Wanna come over and burn some people?
• I hate you.
• I poisoned your cake. You’re welcome.
• Yo 201d, I'm really happy for you, I’m ‘a let you finish your birthday cake. But 9/11 is one of the worst days of all time! OF ALL TIME!

Every year on my birthday I can’t help remembering that day. I remember it like it was today. I would forget my anniversary or my kids’ birthdays if they were not recurring events in my calendar, and I may get their baby pictures mixed up, but this one I can’t forget. It was my 22^nd birthday and I had taken the day off from work. I spent the whole day glued to the TV, shocked, hoping things would turn out alright and watching things get worse and worse. I called everyone I knew. I was lucky nobody I knew was there.

I don’t expect people to stop caring, but I would really, really like people to stop bringing me down in a day that’s already sad. It’s sad not only because of the memories, but because of the blatant bigotry that is launched year after year that only seems to worsen with time. I have been cursed by this even though I had nothing to do with it. One thing is not related to the other. There are 8,036 days and about 2,000 miles between one and the other. Please consider this. That would be the best birthday gift EVER.

Facebook: I'm doing it wrong?

Someone told me the previous post came off as a bit rude. I admit I was pretty upset when I wrote it and I'm sorry if it made you cry. Here, I edited it.

When I say I'm blocking someone it's because I know this person isn't really like what I'm seeing on screen. But I still like the person!

Can we be friends again?

Facebook: You're doing it wrong.

Let me tell you a little about my general experience with this Facebook service you’ve probably heard of. Back in the day, when MySpace was still relevant, my wife would spend a great deal of time in these social networks. Every once in a while she would call me to show me something neat she had found, or would tell me how she got back in touch with someone from elementary school. I would say “heh, cool” then go about my business, for I knew that behind the social connections, and the sharing of information, lied a vast network of spam and douchebaggery.

At one point I decided I’d give it a shot, chiefly, I guess, because I don’t really “keep in touch” with any of my friends. I am a human being; therefore I get lonely at times. I figured I could disable all the email notifications and carefully adjust the page’s settings to minimize spam and other annoyances. The result of this experiment has been quite satisfactory. I certainly spent the first few weeks blocking applications left and right, and I was extremely careful as of whom to allow the privilege of my electronic friendship.

I would, and still do to this day, befriend only friends, family, and trusted acquaintances. I have declined many a request from people I actually know, just not that much. I also intentionally let out people who could use my information against me, namely supervisors and elderly relatives.

One of the most satisfying circumstances is when friends from very different circles interact when commenting on my posts.

That being said, the true purpose of this post is to point out the different ways in which my friends are ruining this Facebook experience I enjoyed so much, a series of irksome trends that are growing in popularity.

• General inappropriateness: Cursing, posting tasteless pictures, that kind of thing. I mean, seriously, we’re grown ups now. Also keep in mind that it is a growing trend to open accounts for minors, although it is forbidden by the terms of service.
• Improper spelling and grammar: I am not a native English speaker, nor was I formally taught beyond the basics in school (ask any Puerto Rican of my generation and they will agree public school English does not make one bilingual). I put a lot of effort not only on expanding my vocabulary, but also on making sure I did not speak with a silly thick accent. Those of us who have made this extra effort take particular pride on it. I am equally passionate about my native tongue, Spanish. It really bothers me when an American mixes up “your” and “you’re”, and it bothers me because I know they know it's not correct.
• Excessive shorthand: On the same line of thought as the previous, I believe this butchering of the Queen's English is mostly due to the perceived need for fast and furious typing, along with misguided Internet acronyms and "smileys". If you're going to use an acronym, make sure you know the meaning of it and picture it in it's long form. A phrase like "OMG what are you doing?" would make sense, whereas "LOL what are you doing?" would not. Also, a "smiley" can add a lot to a message but should not be part of a sentence.
• Passive-aggressive posts: Look, if you’re mad at someone, but think confrontation would be unwise, try the following: punch a wall, write an angry letter and burn it, stab yourself… but please, do not post an angry note aimed at a second person (i.e. the reader). Eventually a handful of your friends will suspect the post was aimed at them. I, for one, will automatically assume the aggression is indeed aimed at me and will proceed to block you, just to be safe.
• Marketing: So you have joined this shady pyramid scheme great marketing network and need people to join your network in order to make profit. You decide to dust off the old Facebook and tell your neglected friends about all the money you’re making and how financially independent you are. That’s sad, really. I block sad posts. I don’t mind you trying to sell me something just as long as you continue addressing me as a friend and not as a potential customer/recruit/money tree.
• Preaching: I respect your faith (or lack thereof) just as much as I find it disturbing. Keep it away from me, please. This includes all the raging, fanatical, atheists. Also, the word “Amen” is not a substitute for the period at the end of a sentence.
• Tagging: Use tagging to put a square around my face if I indeed am in the picture. If you want to show me the picture use the “share” feature. The same applies for the faces of other people in pictures I have posted. Don’t make me revoke your tagging privileges!
• Profile pictures: Do not use avatars, pets or your own children. Some people aren’t good at remembering names and really rely on the profile picture for reference. Also, your baby is ugly.
• Applications: I don’t really mind the use of applications (however stupid they are) as these can be easily blocked. Some people, however, seem to discover a new, unblocked application on a daily basis.
• Gaming: This is my greatest pet peeve. I have already written about how Facebook games are evil, but to recap: These are crappy games designed to ensnare poor fools into believing they’re having fun while in reality they are only addicted. Luckily, Facebook games are also applications, therefore posts coming from them can be blocked. The new trend is introducing systems that require you to beg other players for items through regular status updates. I will instantaneously block anyone requesting nails, boards, bricks, or widgets. Use the in-game messaging for that.

I hope this explains why I never seem to notice your posts.

Apple's bitch

Ah, music; It can have a very powerful effect on people, but only when timed right (try humming the Star Wars cantina theme at a funeral). I own a very large music library but having it shuffled certainly throws off my mojo. I rely in tools such as smart and pre-made playlists, carefully setting id tags such as Genre, Mood, BPM and closely watching play and skip counts to make sure listening is a satisfying experience. About half of my library is composed of songs I don’t really love but I keep for the sake of variety and because I like to hoard stuff (among other uses). This is why I’m so picky when it comes to using the right player, both at home and abroad.

About 4 years ago I didn’t really have much of a “library”. Half of my songs I kept in the “My music” folder (Windows XP) and the other one at the office. I was lucky back then to be allowed to play music at work. They had a very strict IT policy, but it was perfectly OK to bring audio CDS, eventually one of my superiors suggested I rip them into Windows Media Player when he saw me swapping disks. I remember One day I had WMP scan the entire building’s network for music. I found the entire Green Day collection! I used to take the bus so I got a portable CD player that also played data CDs for the trip.

Eventually I got tired of burning disks and got myself an iPod. Being the underprivileged cheapskate that I am, I got the 512Mb shuffle. At the time it was a cheap alternative, and although there were other players that did more for less, I just didn’t trust the other brands. I installed iTunes with the CD that came bundled-in and decided to allow iTunes to manage my music library.

I switched jobs and I learned the joys of Peer to Peer file sharing. It wasn’t long at all before the library became pretty big and I decided to have iTunes “consolidate tracks” and have it completely manage all my music. I started playing with smart playlists which slowly had me become very anal when it came to have all my tracks organized; I needed to have the right genre, year, track number, artist and it had to be accurately rated, specially with downloaded music. It was all legal, if you’re wondering; Free-to share music and whatnot. Yeah.

One day the shuffle just broke. I went to unplug it and half of it remained plugged in. I had no way to disassemble it or anything. I went a couple of years without portable music (except for the occasional burnt CD) until I started researching MP3 players that were not Apple brand. Long story short, I went through several players, all with all sorts of neat features iPods never had, for a fraction of the price.

Just one issue: iTunes only syncs with iPods. The horror. I had fallen in Apple’s trap. I had to manually copy the files and when I did it didn’t really make a difference in the library. I figured the problem was the software and went looking for alternatives. WMP? Yuck! The interface is ugly, it sorts the music wrong, and they mess up the “artist“and “album artist”, erratically turning them into “artist” and “contributing artist”. I tried a couple more but they were all missing one or two key features. Most recently I tried Songbird, after reading it promised to be the ultimate iTunes killer. Well, this bird needs to grow feathers before it can learn to fly. It was (and is) a bloody mess. So sad, really, because had it worked, it would do everything iTunes did, then some, then sync to my non iPod player.

Last week I was trying to sync it and I was in a hurry to an appointment. It kept freezing up and saying it was full. I was so frustrated I yanked it off the USB port and hurled it at a wall. Poor Sansa c250 went to music player heaven. Why was I so frustrated? Was it the software? The hardware? No. It was because just then I realized I had been Apple’s little bitch for all these years. I had spent countless hours trying to figure out a way to break free, all for naught. There I was on square one.

I broke my piggy bank, took it to the Coinstar and bought a last-generation shuffle. It truly is a wonderful thing. With a built-in speech function, it doesn’t really need a screen, and also, it can now play playlists. It’s so tiny you forget you’re wearing it, and it’s just… so fucking cute! Have you noticed how apple products always look so awesome, and how they always make the previous generation look like crap?

Here I am listening to my new baby as I type. The circle is closed, for now. I can stop researching players… I can finally enjoy music. I am such a crack whore. There is just one thing. These earbuds… they are evil! They are ergonomically sized and shaped to fit the average African elephant (sorry Asian elephants, your ears are too small). I get a headache from wearing the suckers, but I have to if I want to be able to use any features the player has, because the controls are set ON the cable! Whose idea was that? I can use my old noise isolating earbuds just fine, but I can’t do anything but listen. I can get an adapter for about $15, or I could buy the apple-branded alternative for about $90. Almost twice the cost of the player (with earbuds). Genius. Evil genius. I’d smash the iPod against the wall, but it’s so cute…

What Google knows about me

As the dust clouds left by the Great Google Buzz Snafu of 2010 (an actual historic event) fades and the hate posts from blogs across the world begin to diminish I stumbled upon an ad banner that made me want to write about Google too.

Now, before I continue, a few points must be made clear:

1. I love Google
2. I do not wish to have my Gmail, Blogger, YouTube, Picasa, Reader, Wish list, Google Docs or Google Calendar deleted
3. I would die of any of these are deleted
4. I do not think Google is an evil corporation trying to take over the world
5. If at any point Google decides to take its rightful place as ruler of humanity I will not join the imminent rebellion
6. I love Google

At first I thought I’d stay clear of this trend of criticizing Google after the Buzz screw-up, then I thought I’d join in, then I got distracted and forgot about it. If you were not following, what happened was that Google decided to add an entire social network to every Gmail account, and to incorporate the use of every other Google product to this system. If you ask me, it was a very clever idea. The only problem is the way it was implemented. Suddenly everybody had a Buzz account, their friends were selected for them, and lots of information about them shared with these new “friends”. Lots of people went berserk over how, suddenly, because they send a lot of emails to their boss, Google decided their boss wanted to know what they’d been watching on Google Reader. I’d flipped out too if it weren’t for the fact that I don’t email a lot of people. Well, in the end Google realized their mistake, apologized, and fixed it.

Right after this incident, lots of upset users started venting their views on Google’s apparent information monopoly. This is because how Buzz exposed a lot of information about ourselves that many thought was unrelated. Suddenly people realized how much they’ve told Google about themselves throughout all these years. Many panicked, and the truth is that it is a little scary.

Google knows who you email and what you’ve sent them. Google knows what you search for on the internet, and how much you like what you like. Google knows what you do for a living and what you do for fun. Google knows all of your ailments (like when you searched “explosive diarrhea”) and exactly what kind of porn you like best. Google knows you.

My question is: What’s wrong with that? Hey, if Google’s going to post an ad banner (which is what pays for all those free websites you visit) at least it posts something relevant! Google also uses this knowledge to fine-tune your search results. It’s all really awesome. What if it knows what kind of video games I like? That just makes it easier to me to search for video games!

Second, you have to realize, Google is an it, not a he, she or a them. It’s a computerized system. Sure, it’s run by people, but don’t expect to have a human being on the other side of your monitor furiously writing your deepest secrets on a scratch pad. That’s just silly. It’s also silly to assume that Google gives a damn about your darkest secrets. It’s not like the company’s CEO occasionally prints your statistics and shows them to his friends to have a good laugh. It’s not like these statistics can even be printed in a readable format.

There are only two things you should worry about. I shall discuss them even when they are already covered by common sense:

The first is the risk of this data being hacked. Hey, it can happen! Just make sure not to share vital information over the internet, not just Google. Never share your password nor make it anything obvious (and if it’s by any chance “12345” please slap yourself). Follow basic Internet security guidelines and the possibility of your stuff being broken into roughly the same of your house being broken into, you know, where you keep all that delicate information.

The second is mistakes like the implementation of Buzz. To prevent this, well, don’t post anything on the Internet that you would not say in public and adhere to the “nothing nice to say” policy. If you REALLY need to remain anonymous, create separate accounts for those uses and do not use your real name.

See, it’s all common sense, like I said. You can’t expect the Internet to be perfect, after all, its run by humans.

After much deliberation I have linked my actual name to this “201d” persona. Simply put: I may not have much to show, but I have nothing to hide. I am aware a Google search for my real name can lead to thinks I have posted as 201d, and vice versa. I don’t really care.

All this is only to present a setting to the real issue of my post: Why does Google think I’m gay? If Google is supposed to show only relevant ads, why do I only get ads for Gay dating services? Honestly, guys, do I look gay? I promise I will never wear those pants again, it was laundry day and I had nothing else to wear, I swear. Is it maybe because my daughters had been searching for Jonas Brothers pictures without me logging off? If so, so help me God, they’ll be grounded for life, I tell ya.

I just hope the Google Bot crawls trough this page and reads this:

I am a heterosexual male currently married to a heterosexual female. I am not interested in dating, period. I have been feeding you information for over a decade now, and I honestly expected you to get this one bit of information right. Please fix it.

Thanks for reading.

Naught but a dream

Note: This was originally written on Wednesday, September 10, 2008. I was sorting through my documents and found it. Just a couple minor edits and here it is. Even though it is sort of embarrassing, I find it worth sharing mostly because it is a rare occurrence when I recall my dreams, specially the good ones.

Last night I had this most delightful dream. I got up in the morning feeling quite good, but at the same time I was grumpy because it was over.

That’s how you mess up your mind’s simulator, by waking up. Before it has a chance to transfer all the data to your subconscious, where it will be used to make faster calculations in the future, you regain consciousness, cluttering your system with useless data that is still being shuffled around. The data will be eventually sorted out, and eventually you forget the dream, being awake just slows down the process. Like defragmenting your hard drive while you’re using the computer. Besides that minor glitch is quite a splendid system. If you ever find yourself completely naked in front of an audience, you will know exactly how to react, or at least you will double check you are decent before stepping outside.

In my dream I was back in what felt like the early nineties. I must have been in about 8th to 10th grade. I was feeling a lot more confident than I did back in the day, and even though I couldn’t see myself in the dream, I knew I looked better, I felt healthier, like I feel now (back in ‘08 after losing about 30 pounds and gaining the ability to do pushups). Yeah, most probably my teenage years would have been better if I had laid off the videogames. It was dark outside, and there were a couple drops of water on the windows, like it had rained before. I was sitting in the back seat of a brand new SUV (back in the day SUVs were the bomb), right behind the driver. At the wheel there was a nice looking middle-aged man (upper-middle class, judging by the ride), to his side a female of the same demographic. They never looked back, as if they trusted me. I could feel they liked me, but they were not my parents, they were the parents of the lovely girl by my side. She was also in her early teens, athletic build, long, straight black hair, and a great smile. Yes, she was smiling, but that’s all I remember, that and that she was pretty, but I wouldn’t be able to tell you how.

This is just the setting. It was like me and the girl were on some kind of date and her parents had come to pick us up and were on their way to take me home. What puzzles me is why my mind would place me in such a situation. Whatever I learned from this simulation has little or no strategic value. Maybe the lesson was that I should keep an eye on the rear-view mirror whenever I pick up my daughters from a date? Nah, that would be absurd, my daughters will not go on dates until they’re at least 30.

Now here’s what happened. We were riding along, and everyone was quiet. My right hand was lying on my knee, and with her index finger she scribbled something on the back of my hand. It felt like she was being shy about it, like she didn’t want me to notice. She wasn’t even looking at me. I was actually looking so I followed the movement of the finger and actually made out what she wrote. And just like my narration paused, the dream itself paused for a moment (I’m pretty sure my brain must have taken hours just to figure what to do next). So I put my other hand on top of hers. I held her hand and stared blankly out the window. I was holding my breath trying not to sigh, or to giggle. Like I didn’t notice, but kinda like maybe I did. I was sitting there thinking how my life was so great… then I woke up. 10 seconds of action, yet it felt like hours.

So today I was lying in bed about to fall asleep, when it all came rushing back. I thought I’d write it down before my brain finished defragmenting.

Will I ever be in a situation in which teenage romance will save my life? I highly doubt so. Still I am glad I had this dream. I had a very depressing adolescence, and this is certainly what I would have wanted it to be like. It’s something I never had and never will have, and it felt like I was really there, like I was really 15 years younger and things were going my way. It felt really nice, and I don’t want to forget that, even if it never happened.

Well, that was random. I gotta go back to bed.

TMI? Probably.

Twenty Ten

Say it out loud: "Twen-ty-ten"

Sexy, huh? I haven't met a soul who's not glad the whole "Two thousand and..." decade is finished. It even looks like 201D! The question now is, what shall we call this defunct decade when making cultural references? The Two-thousands? The 2Ks? The double-Ohs? My proposal is we skip the decade altogether, let's talk about the eighties, the nineties, then the tens.

Anyways, I want to start this decade wishing my readers an epic 2010, full of win and awesome. I've also redesigned the blog (or rather un-designed it, as I've moved from a hand-made template to one of the simplest defaults) and added Facebook functionality (see sidebar) in hopes people will read it. There will be new stuff to read as well, so tell your friends and don't forget to subscribe to the RSS feed or become a fan in Facebook (you can also set this blog as your homepage if you REALLY like it) and stay tuned for more Undeniable Logic.

Testing?

Oh, hi there! I'm testing the new Facebook functionality. Happy holidays by the way!

Insider tip

I work in customer service. I've worked for banks, cell phone companies, Internet service providers, insurance... you name it. I'm not going to mention where I work now but I will give you a great tip.

Normally you only call customer care when something's wrong, we're used to dealing with irate people. It's reasonable you are in a bad mood, though 98% of the time you're just pissed about a fee that you KNOW applies according to your terms of service, but still you think its unfair.

Well. Here's the insider tip to help you get the most out of your call. DON'T BE A JERK! Before you grab the phone, punch a wall a few times until the blind rage fades, then call. Trust me on this one, a humble attitude will get you out of the nastiest screw-ups. Like nothing ever happened "we know it's not your fault, sir". On the other hand acting like the world is against you will get you a NO. You will ask for a supervisor and he will give you a NO. He will mail you a copy of your contract where you agreed to whatever just happened. The funniest thing is, it's probably not even a real supervisor, just another operator with a bit more experience.

The root of all evil: Corruption

So the other day I was watching a talk show in Univision. Only because it was on a TV in a waiting room. And it was pretty much about this dude who can't "find work", just like every other talk show in a Spanish network. The guy happens to be an illegal immigrant who left his country because there was no "work" there, and now is having problems at the US because of "the economy".

So I ponder out loud: "Is it that in (random country) nothing pops up after you plant a seed?"I mean if it were a desert country I could understand people jumping the border, but whats up with these people? Both countries are made of the same kind of dirt, have the same kind of air and water. Both have the same resources at their disposal. What is wrong then?

The answer came swift. "It's the corruption" said my wife.

Of course! I mean there is rampant corruption over here, but I guess it's not as bad. In most of these countries the rich people run the show. And you're either filthy rich or poor. The big fish will eat the small fish. There is no middle class because of this. Most people own nothing, they can't even plant a seed to feed themselves, because they don't own any dirt! They have to work for the man, just like feudal times.

The most common definition of corruption is the abuse of power. Like the case before in which those with wealth will exploit the poor. Another example is when those in a position of leadership abuse this authority. The interesting thing is that you may notice most of these cases, the corrupt entity obtains it's power from the masses in a non-forceful manner.

So to stop corruption all one has to do is deny these entities this power, be it wealth or authority. In an extreme circumstance one could take it away, but I'm no big fan of violence, so lets just consider denial. To stop giving.

Denial of wealth: Most probably you've read or at least know something about The Wal-Mart Effect (a long and tedious book about the effects of said stores in the world, not just the economy). Well, I'm not saying read it and follow it like a bible, but knowing that kinda stuff will make you think twice where do you spend your money, and it's not about Wal-Mart at all. The dilemma is similar to that of buying stolen goods, you get the stuff for cheap (It's a steal!) but you are actually paying a person to steal! Think about where your money is going. Here's a hint: the dollar is going to where that immigrant I mentioned before is going, to where the factories are!

Denial of authority: Ah, if you're among the lucky that l.ive in a democracy, this one's a piece of cake! When your turn comes to vote. Think about who you're voting for. Whow much did they spend in a campaigh? Why are they selling themselves like a can of pepsi? Who is paying for this advertisement and what will they ask for in return? (read: Denial of wealth) Think about where your vote is going, and ask yourself why aren't there more options.

Yeah. That's pretty much it.